DON'T FALL OVER, I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO POST TWICE IN ONE DAY. AS AWFUL AS I FEEL I NEED TO TALK, OR TYPE I GUESS. AS I TYPED MY LAST BLOG I SAT AND THOUGHT TO MYSELF HOW PATHETIC DO I SOUND, WELL IF IT SOUNDED LIKE I THOUGHT MAN ON MAN I AM PATHETIC!!! I JUST FEEL SO OVERWHELMED!!! EMOTIONALLY AND PHYCIALLY!!! DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT YOUR LIFE, AND WONDER "WHAT IF". WELL THAT'S WHERE I AM WITH MY LIFE. I AM SO TIRED OF BEING TIRED, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN??? I AM LIVING A NIGHTMARE AND I JUST CAN'T WAKE UP. DON'T GET ME WRONG, I KNOW THAT MY SITUATION IS SMALL IN COMPARISON TO OTHERS OUT THERE THAT HAVE A WHOLE LOT MORE ON THEIR PLATE ; WELL I AM A 36 YR OLD, UNHEALTHY WOMAN LIVING IN A LOVELESS MARRIAGE, WITH A 15 YEAR DAUGHTER WHO THINKS THAT I HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT RUIN HER LIFE. I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO A MAN THAT I LOVE WITH EVERY INCH OF MY BEING, NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WANT TO HATE HIM, I JUST CAN'T!! I AM NOT SURE WHEN WE WENT WRONG, THE DAY WE GOT MARRIED, THE DAY WE HAD OUR DAUGHTER, WHEN???? WE ARE SO DIFFERENT, WE HAVE LIVED OUR LIVES SEPARATE FOR SO LONG, HE HAS HIS FRIENDS, HOBBIES, RACE CAR, ANYTHING THAT I AM NOT INCLUDED IN AS WELL AS ME WITH MY FRIENDS, MY HOBBIES, MY SHOPPING PROBLEM, YES FOLKS I HAVE ADMITTED IT, I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH SPENDING MONEY, AMONG A WHOLE LOT OF OTHER PROBLEMS. IT HAS CONSUMED ME, MY LIFE, MY FAMILY'S LIFE; I MISS MY HUSBAND, I LOVE MY HUSBAND, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHERE WE WENT WRONG. WE HAVE TRIED TO GET HELP, WORKS FOR A LITTLE WHILE AND THEN WE GET COMFORTABLE AND IT GOES BAD AGAIN, I HAVE TRIED TO TALK UNTIL I AM BLUE IN THE FACE, I JUST DON'T THINK HE HEARS ME ANYMORE. I HATE FEELING THIS WAY!!!!!MY DAUGHTER IS A WHOLE OTHER SITUATION; SHE IS A 15 YEAR OLD SPOILED, DISRESPECTFUL, HATEFUL CHILD THAT HAS NO REMORSE OR DEPTH TO HOW SHE CAN MAKE ME FEEL . I KNOW THAT YOU ALL ARE THINKING THAT IS TYPICAL TEENAGE BEHAVIOR WELL GOD HELP ME TO GET THRU THIS. I JUST CAN'T STAND HER SOMETIMES!!! I LOVE HER BUT I HATE THE WAY SHE HAS BECOME. PLEASE HELP ME GET THRU THIS, I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX ANYTHING ANYMORE. I CAN'T LAUGH, I CAN'T CRY, I JUST CAN'T DEAL WITH IT ANYMORE. I AM SO TIRED OF MY LIFE BEING A SCREWED UP, DYSFUNCTIONAL MESS. GOD GRANT ME THE GUIDANCE AND HELP I NEED TO GET PAST THIS OR GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO HANG ON UNTIL IT GETS BETTER.
WELL THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME GET THIS OFF MY CHEST, I NEEDED TO TALK. I AM SORRY TO THOSE THAT HAVE READ THIS AND THOUGHT OH MY GOD THIS IS NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR WHEN I AGREED TO BLOG BUT I NEEDED TO VENT.
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4 years ago
4 comments:
You know what...I totally get you! I've been in your shoes..as far as the marriage thing (my daughter is a pre-teen so I'm working on that one too!)I was with my ex-husband from the time I was 15yrs old...loved him sooo much, had a daughter and looked at him after 8 years of marriage and 13 years of being with him and saw a stranger! It happens even with the best of intentions, it happens. We did counseling, we did retreats, we did vacations, we talked, we seperated, we did everything we could to save what we thought was a marriage but ended up just being a deep friendship!! Did I love him, totally...but when I really did some soul searching...I truly loved him as a friend and not as a husband...I heard this old saying once that really rings true: Love is like a flower garden...you have to water it, nurture it, pull the weeds or the flowers(LOVE) will die! We didn't do those things on a daily basis and our love as husband & wife died! Jen-I'm totally not saying this is your marriage...but I can't empathize with you because I've been there. If you need to talk, you have my number! Okay....I've totally rambled and given my life history but your my friend and I want you to know that I'm here for you & I care about you!
Hugs to you!!
Jen I can total understand where you come from. You sound a lot like myself. Between weight, emotions, marriage, life in general. I loved (he ask for a divorce a month ago)my husband but looking back I wasn't in love with him or him with me. We where friends that loved each other. As far as kids who don't have a clue I can understand that. I have been very bless with 3 wonderful you adults now. But I had one (my youngest daughter)strong willed that thought I was dumber than dirt and I wanted to through ever over a cliff many of times as I prayed for her. As she has became a mom and grew up guess what I am not as stupid. LOL
On another note.You always make me smile. The first crop-a-ganza you kept us smiling,and as we(my oldest daughter) prepared for the next crop-a-ganza we both said several times I hope Jennifer is there. We were please to see you. I read your blog daily. I would love to get to know you better and visit. If you want, sometime maybe we can meet, visit, and you could vent on a real human (I think I'm real) I am a good listen. You can send me a personal mail (wescrapbook@yahoo.com)
if you would like and we could email and get to know each other more. Just keep smiling and being your self. You always make me smile and your blog is something I read the first thing when I turn on my computer every morning.
For all you blog stalker sorry I wrote a book.
I'm praying for you.
Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer!!! You have such an amazing heart! I wish you the best! I hope everything works out for you! I know when you are in the middle of it, it is very hard and very draining. My Nonna always tells me, "this to shall pass"... I get through life sometimes on that saying alone. I wish I could tell you something wonderful to make you feel better!! Just know I am thinking about you and I am here for you if you need me!!! Bigs hugs & lotts of love to you! Summer
Whenever I am in a funk like you seem to be, I tend to say a lot of the serenity prayer--the AA one. Here it is:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the power to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. If that doesn't work, you can always just yell "serenity now!" a la George from Seinfeld's dad! Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help--call me if you need to chat! We love you and you WILL get through this!
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